


The Day You Are Gone

by Liza0111



Category: Aldnoah.Zero (Anime)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Post-Canon, Post-Finale, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-08
Updated: 2015-06-08
Packaged: 2018-04-03 12:12:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4100530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liza0111/pseuds/Liza0111
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harklight regrets all the little decisions he had made in his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Day You Are Gone

**Author's Note:**

> It has been two months and I am still stuck in a.z hell.  
> No matter what anyone say I am not going to believe that Harklight is dead  
> I wanted to write happy hasure and instead I ended up with angst. I AM SO SORRY HARKLIGHT I AM SUCH A FAILURE WHY DID I DO THIS/sobs

 

 

Five pills a day. One green, two yellows, two whites.

The tall, dark haired man stares vacantly at the pill bottles in front of him, mentally reciting the directions in his head so he doesn’t forget. The corners of his thin lips turn upward and he smiles coldly. Not that it really matters. They were instructions given by people who wants to keep him alive but doesn’t know that he is already empty and dead on the inside. There is no use. He will never be the same person he was before.

 

 

He failed miserably.

 

 

He lost all his comrades on that day. He lost the Stygis squad. He lost his trusted subordinates.

Above all, he lost Slaine.

 

 

Slaine Saazbaum Troyard. His only light and savior. He had vowed to follow him no matter what the future brings. Although Slaine had repeatedly told him that he doesn’t have any dreams, Harklight is sure that isn’t true. He had believed that his lord will be able to achieve his dreams, one day. He is willing to sacrifice everything he has to bring happiness into Slaine’s hands. Those are promises he sworn he will never break.

 

He has asked more than once why he had to be saved. He would have much rather die on the battlefield with honor. He fought for what he believes in, and that was enough. He wanted to show his loyalty for Slaine. He doesn’t want to live like this.

 

Yet they saved him. The Herschel was found by a Versian soldier and he dragged him out of the cockpit. They put him in a hospital and gave him plenty of medication. He went through two surgeries, he was told. The moment he regained consciousness, he asked for outcome of the war and the fate of Slaine. Deep inside his heart, he knew the answers to his questions yet he didn’t want to believe them.

 

“Count Troyard is dead.” These words stabbed him like a dagger and for the first time in many years Harklight cried, silently. As pathetic as it was Harklight couldn’t stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks. He asked them to let him die. With Asseylum back on the throne, what they had done would be considered treason, a crime worthy of the death penalty on Vers.

 

Again they refused to honor his request. They put doses of sedative into his body and made him sleep. The doctors prescribed him antidepressants and made sure he is taking them like he is supposed to. Then more people came. They asked him questions, none of which he answered. He was soulless. There is no use of him anywhere in this universe as the only person he wishes to serve and protect had vanished without leaving anything behind. He had a hard time believing that Slaine is actually dead. It’s like a horrible prank. 

 

 

Harklight survives, but Slaine will no longer return to him.

He can’t be a soldier anymore. He can hardly function as a human being. He can’t look at the face of the smiling empress and suppress the anger and bitterness flooding over his head. He knew better than anyone how much his lord loves the empress and how much he sacrificed for her happiness, yet she has blamed the entire war and the assassination plot on his name. That is something Harklight can never tolerate.  

His life has no meaning anymore. He has nowhere to return. He even let his parents down. The hardship they endured for him was for nothing. He can never face them again.

 

 

He swallows the pills; the bitterness lingering on his tongue. He can see the barren lands of Vers from his window, and he can’t help but to regret all the little decisions he had made in the past.

He wishes he could have gotten to know Slaine better. He knows his lord’s battle tactics by heart, but there are so much he doesn’t know about him. Not Count Slaine Saazbaum Troyard. Just Slaine. The blond hair boy who was kind to those around him regardless of their ranks. The boy who experienced cruelty more than anyone but still had a gentle heart. The boy who called him “Harklight-san” despite the fact that he is his subordinate. He wishes he knew. He wishes he has more memories of Slaine. He desperately wants to remember Slaine’s smiles. There will never be any new memories between his and his lord. Harklight wants to tell Slaine that this is not enough. There is still so much Harklight wants to know about him. What was his favorite color? What kind of music does he like? He is so afraid that he will one day forget the tiny pieces of Slaine that he has. Maybe one day he will lose it all.

 

 

There is nothing left of Slaine Troyard.

Slaine is gone.  

 

 

_And sometimes, Harklight wishes he is too._

 


End file.
